Signs of the Times
CHURCH SIGNS: There is a sign on the lawn of a Church in Spokane that
reads: WE ARE LOOKING FOR SPIRITUAL FRUIT, NOT RELIGIOUS NUTS.
- There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its
parking lots, so they put up a sign: CHURCH CAR PARKING – FOR
MEMBERS ONLY; Trespassers will be baptized!
- "No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace."
- "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
- "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
- "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
- An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on
which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For
fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
- When the restaurant next to another Church put out a big sign with red
letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own
message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
- A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a
church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance the pastor fixed the
outside sign to read, "Resurrection is postponed."
- "People are like tea bags-you have to put them in hot water before you
know how strong they are."
- "God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."
- "Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"
- "When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right."
- "Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."
- "Fight truth decay-study the Bible daily."
- "How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Non-smoking?"
- "Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives."
- "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the
pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
- "It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
- "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
- "If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
- "If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
- "Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire
insurance soon."
- "This is a ch _ _ ch. What is missing?" (U R)
- "Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
- "In the dark? Follow the Son."
- "Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."
- "If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."