Vietnam Memoir:
'Forgiveness Isn't Human'

By Paul Tellez

This year during our twelfth annual Hispanic Heritage Day here in Glendora, California I was asked to report on my experiences as part of the 101st Airborne Division in the Vietnam War from 1966 to 1967.

To put it all bluntly: It took me a long long time to forgive my country for the way we returning Vietnam vets were treated once we made it safely home. And I was a Christian. I had been brought up by devout folks in the Foursquare Gospel Church. I know thousands and thousands of my Vietnam comrades feel the same bitterness and pain but even worse is the hurt you feel when you think of the dozens of my close buddies who did not come back at all. It’s so easy to forget: Some 57,000 Americans died in Vietnam so for that reason it might be good to hear the story one more time.

In my opinion Mel Gibson captured the early stage Vietnam War very well in his movie We Were Soldiers (2002) centered around the first real American pitched battle in the Ia Drang Valley in central Vietnam in November, 1965. (NOTE: Some 450 men of the 2nd Air Cavalry Regiment were dropped in among 2000 North Vietnamese regulars and 305 Americans were eventually killed – more regimental losses than were suffered at Gettysburg). The scenes on the training base, the night departure, the wives receiving the bad news of fatalities, the massacre of this fine division in combat – some of it from friendly fire – these add up to a very realistic account.

No Big Parades

You see, when that unit was almost wiped out in 1965, the U.S. government could no longer pretend that our men were simply there as “advisors.” Now we had to really bear down on this military crisis that was developing in Southeast Asia. American casualties meant that our honor and prestige was now committed. So as we sailed out of Tacoma Harbor in 1966 along with the famous Big Red One Division we were given a hero’s departure, brass bands on the pier, thousands of cheering people both civilian and military personnel were there to see us off. “Now this thing is going to get solved,” everyone thought. My fiancé, Lolly, had her wedding dress already picked out and in her closet waiting my arrival. That was one of the things that made it all bearable.

We arrived in July, 1966. The story of Vietnam is well known. Even some movies have captured the distressing scenes when vets showed up at the airport and mothers took their children by the hand and hustled them away for us like we were pariahs. There was no ticker tape parade down Broadway as in 1945 and again during the end of the Gulf War in 1991. No. Nothing like that. Just stony silence, embarrassment, even a fair measure of contempt. No wonder so many Vietnam vets have had it so rough. No wonder so many still carry the scars. For myself, I resolved that I would never forgive this country, the United States of America for what they did to us.

And I was brought up a good Christian!

What happened to change my attitude?

Words for Today

It turned out that my wife Lolly had followed most of her family into the Worldwide Church of God around 1970, a group that had its problems but that did try to take Bible teaching seriously. Gradually, from working with their Spanish Church in Pasadena and interacting with other Christians and especially hearing sermons built around the theme of forgiveness, I slowly began to come around. In particular Luke 23:34, the words of the dying Jesus as he was being crucified, began to really hit home. You might remember those. That is where Jesus prayed on behalf of those who were nailing him to the cross: “Father, forgive them, they do not know what they are doing.”

It began to dawn on me: Forgiveness isn’t human. It is of God. There was no way I, as a trained Christian in the Foursquare Gospel Church, could push the words of the dying Jesus out of my mind. I began to see that Jesus too had been abandoned by his friends. He had had a big parade in his honor his last time in Jerusalem. But the very gates of the city he entered became the gates through which he cried his cross a few days later. He could relate to what I was feeling. He had gone through it before. So how could I not extend the same forgiveness to my country, the country that had so let us down and for which we had shed blood.

No, forgiveness is not a human trait. Forgiveness comes from God. I believe that I received his gift of being able to express forgiveness, a gift that is also yours for the asking. I believe Jesus was asking for forgiveness for the whole human race, not just for his executioners. I believe that prayer is part of his last will and testament for us today.

I never forget the lessons learned in Vietnam and my church brethren comment on how much I pray for the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan on many occasions. Oh, yes. They’re laying their lives on the line every day. Let’s not forget them, which is so easy to do just now. Let’s pray for peace for us and all nations, and let’s make sure we welcome them back and honor their service the way we should.

Assistant Pastor Paul Tellez and his wife Lolly teach Children’s Church in the Glendora congregation. They have four children and three grandchildren and the wedding dress is still there at their home in Covina.